Chances are that if you are an organically born female, you have an ovary, or two, plus other relevant female anatomy. Some little girls dream of growing up, getting married, having babies. And some don't want to. Don't want to grow up, don't want the responsibility, the anxiety, definitely don't want want to have children and definitely want nothing to do with sexual activity, at least outwardly. For women who can recall some sort of childhood conflict with our divine feminine, in our youth we may have perceived that sexuality and giving birth was at best embarrassing and at worst, shameful, dirty and even sinful.
If you are a woman and your periods are painful, if your breasts ache and uterus feels as if it might feel better out of you than in, or if you can feel your ovaries tight and achy when you ovulate, you have some lovin', healing, accepting, expressing to do.
Western culture teaches women a mixed message: it's ok to be a mama but it's not ok to have sex. I do think the intention was good, to teach girls self possession long enough that by the time we came of age, we could discern better who was a loving benevolent partner, and who did not have our best interest at heart. However, due to our childlike perspective, our listening, and our interpretation, the well meant message can get muddled and confusing. Thus we unconsciously send a message to our hormones to quiet it down, not be so enthusiastic...and even unconsciously decide that because sex is shameful, the having of children might be beyond our capabilities because we might be better off, safer, and more respectable, by swearing off sex entirely and thus avoiding motherhood altogether.
Another possible message we sometimes unconsciously send our feminine bodies starting at a young age, is that because we believe one or all of the following 1) Having children/family is stressful. 2) Taking care of another's well being is draining. 3) Having children overloads the mother's capacity to function in the world. 4) We are not capable of being good mothers... We either completely shut the system down, or we allow it to function but with an undercurrent of fear, resentment, trepidation, etc. because if we allow our healthy bodies and innate instinct to further our species to have sex and reproduce, we'll enter into a condition that we have labelled unsafe, undesirable, taxing, etc. This means that as adults, we are operating based on a childlike-childhood judgment/decision, programming that was informed before we learned what we know today. A judgment that probably makes sense for a kid: no childbirth for a 7 year old! But for an experienced adult, this childhood judgment/decision/program might actually be detrimental. Consciously we function ok in the world, unaware that underneath lurks the fears and the all encompassing decisions that we made as little girls.
How can we change our stories? If consciously we are reading self help books, listening to Eckhart Tolle, meditating, stretching, resting, exercising, de-toxifying, why do patterns of perhaps failed relationships or feminine anatomy pain persist? The old story!! It is the old story that drives us to unconsciously brow beat our femininity and organs.
Here is our opportunity for 'healing', for shifting our story, for rewiring our program. Conversations with our past selves can happen in infinite different ways. 1) Walking and talking to our past selves in our heads 2) Walking and talking ALOUD with our past selves, using a prop such as headphones, if that feels safer, so other people assume we are talking to someone else besides ourselves. This can obviously be done sans the headphones! Talk away...we are worth it. 3) Driving our car on a familiar route and talking aloud to ourselves. 4) Working out doing a familiar activity, allowing our brains to shift into a convo with our past selves, either aloud or in our heads. 5)Writing a message, a dialogue, to our past self/selves. This can be taken a step further, by writing as our present self with our dominant hand and writing responses from our past self (or even our higher self) with our non dominant hand. 6) Guided meditation. By guided I mean self directed or at least, begun with an intention to explore a certain time and feeling.
With any of these modalities and more, we can consciously enter into a conversation with our past self, we can visualize ourselves with her, back in time. Back when we made major decisions about femininity, about womanhood, motherhood, divine feminine. Explore. Visualized location: I usually choose to take myself to a different safe place. To the middle of the ocean with the loving energy of sea creatures and water abundant underneath us. To a cloud. To a world of white. Writer Boni Lonnsburry describes going up the spiral staircase in a castle turret to do this exploration. A field in nature. Anyplace you want and can imagine that feels accessible and safe safe safe. What time and place to explore: We can start with an event that strikes us as significant. A trauma that lead us to making a decision about relevant subject matter. Set the stage: Travel back in time, visit ourselves. Then gently offer our unwavering love, no matter what happens. Suggest a change of location for the communication we desire. Reassure our past selves that she is safe, that we are she, and that our intentions are entirely benevolent and loving. Tell her we want to give her the gift she gave us. The gift of absolute love, knowledge, of learning, of power. The content: What was the trauma? What feelings did we feel that we did not get to fully express? What feelings did we bury? Why did we bury these feelings? Can we release them? Reassure her again, all feelings, thoughts, fears expressed are finally safe to release. Hold her in your arms, even like a baby, if that feels good. Hold her safe and let her let it all out. If we are disciplined in our exploration, this inner work/time travel, will result in the bubbling up of emotion. I personally either cry gently, or even sob, or scream in retaliation and fury, and my heart beat accelerates with the expression of these long trapped emotions. Let go let go let go. Nothing and everything is sacred. Listen to her until she is spent. Rewiring Step One: MERGE: Once the trapped feelings and admissions of decisions and judgments are all released to be carried off in the wind, carried off into the air, into the light, into the ocean or sky, the rewiring work can begin. She will have expressed to us her feelings about sexuality, motherhood, femininity, etc. It is within our power to offer her different beliefs. She was a wounded, now healing child. Be gentle. No force is required. Just a soothing offer that she/we can choose to believe a different truth. Ask her if she's comfortable with us blending with her. Visualize our present self merging/infusing with our past self. Rewiring Step Two: BELIEFS: These are new statements, new thoughts, to introduce to her/us. Our sexuality and sexual relationships can be loving and healthy. We will be loving and skilled mothers. Should we choose to become mothers, we will grow stronger, more accepting, more energized, more loving, more willing, because of the experience. Our female bodies are amazing. Our anatomy is beautiful and worthy of our love and unconditional praise and acceptance. Every moment we have to love and honor our divine feminine selves is a blessing and should be used to completely, selflessly overflow our cups with light, love and celebration. We are able, thoughtful, competent beings- life may offer challenges and we are totally capable of handling them, through support and loving connection with ourselves, through connection to our loved ones, and through connection with Mother Earth and the Universal Energy that created us. These are the foundations of our new belief system. Ask her: Do we accept these? Can we accept these? If she has resistance, gently explore further. Love her, listen to her, soothe her. And when she's ready to let go of her old story and adapt a healthier platform from which to live and function as a human woman, she will. Celebrate: Once this communication, releasing and rewiring has been done, we will feel different. We will react differently both to outside and inside stimuli. Celebrate our courage to adapt and change.
We are all amazing beautiful goddesses...put on the music, dance and sing, paint and write. Dress our bodies with enthusiasm and wardrobes that make us feel light powerful wonderful energetic sparkly or whatever warms our hearts. We are light workers, we are mothers, we are lovers. We are worthy. We are
With love... -Joanna