Left Ankle Pain

Sheltering in Place. Day number?? We are all either surrounded by sameness that might be feeling increasingly mundane or in changing our routines, we might be experiencing shock or anxiousness because we are all so used to Doing and Doing and Doing and being Distracted with regularity. I'm sitting here writing, but I'm looking for a little something to distract me. Food? Drink? Exercise?  We're supposed to be social distancing, but an additional wrinkle in my routine is a lame ankle. It is healing, thank god!! But my descent into the ankle pain and arrival at my lowest point were not accepted gracefully.

When you look up left ankle in the Bach flower remedy meanings, it is water violet. It represents a self sustaining flower, seemingly self possessed, not appearing to struggle with anything because basically the personality keeps to itself. The issue here, is that we all need each other. Some people crave more human contact than others. The water violet type seems not to crave or need it, which basically denies a basic human need. And what is underneath this seeming aloofness? Ankles can represent our ability to change direction or go with the flow in life. They can also represent our willingness to accept joy and pleasure that life brings us. Lastly, they can hold our guilt.

According to Louise Hay, author of “You Can Heal Your Life” pain in the body means the presence of held guilt. My painful swollen ankle was resisting acceptance of the new found slower pace the shelter in place mandate brought me. Resisting the pleasure of sleeping a bit later, resisting the pleasure of the gift of spending much more time with a loved one. Instead I was creating guilt around it all- as if guilt would disguise whatever sinful indulgence I felt by being so blessed with a working vacation in a beautiful setting. My ankle was afraid to proceed. I’d fall flat on my face. I couldn't make any turns, that filled me with fear.

BUT! I want to heal. I want to walk on the beach. I want to hop up and down. I want to experience joy and pleasure. What, then, is required of us to heal? A willingness to acknowledge the good in our lives. This seems impossible because truly, how could someone not acknowledge the good stuff? I can not identify the source of this quirk, I can only see that at some point certain good things were deemed risky to openly acknowledge lest they be taken away. This is surely a childhood conclusion. One that, thanks to the message of my vocal ankle, I am blessed the opportunity to heal. When I’m happy, when something tickles me, it’s ok to to smile about it. Not just the safe things, but now, I encourage my scared child self to acknowledge the things about which I feel a strong attachment to, like loving relationships with other people.

Day by day my ankle is stronger, more willing to turn, more open about receiving and acknowledging and accepting joy. Our bodies are perfect messengers. We need only to open our hearts and minds to hear and heal.