Scar Healing

I've written before about scar healing, but my attention was largely towards the spiritual and emotional. But as I am a believer along the teachings of Drs. Joe Dispenza and Bruce Lipton, I believe the physical manifestation of trauma can also heal, because of our capacity to heal emotionally/spiritually.  Again, I reiterate my belief that physical healing is not so much the stitching up of tissues after trauma, as it is the restoration of balance and harmony after trauma, due to our personal work to understand, accept, and love ourselves...pre, during, and post trauma.

The biggest physically sustained trauma I've experienced leading to the most visible scars on my human body occurred in 1998 in a subway train accident in Germany. My sister was almost killed, and I lost some teeth, a lot of skin, and a rearrangement of bone tissue. I recovered to a fully functioning human, with some biomechanical adaptations, and some adjustments in my self power, and some attachments to weakness.

I did not understand: that my body could completely recover, and that my thoughts/beliefs/story were dictating what was possible for me and my human body. Luckily...I dragged myself into a mire of self loathing so deep in 2010-2015 as to make me desperate to wake up and get out of physical pain.  Add 2 pets dying and the wheels of transformation started cranking into high speed. I believe in prayer, doesn't matter what we pray to!

So let me just focus my story on the healing of 1 scar on one part of my body. My right side pelvis.  It was grazed by impact against the platform wall of the subway train station, thrust forward as I was by the subway train passing behind me.  My sister and I had fallen into the crevice between train and platform edge, large enough for a human body to (not comfortably) fit. My sister was long gone from my field of vision, tossed by the passing train around the corner of said platform. I held onto the wall with my elbows, train roaring behind my butt, until it had passed, and then collapsed onto the tracks.

How does one heal? By feeling. Even now, as I write, 20 plus years later, I can feel the train, I can see my terror, I feel my fear for my sister, my legs are shaking, my heart is pounding, and of course I am crying. I am feeling things from years ago... still stuck inside me, holding on tight in my right hip joint, muscles, tissues, fascia, skin. My hip/pelvis, holds on to keep me safe- safe from the same thing happening again, and safe until I am ready to release all the emotions associated with the trauma.  The steps are: 1) With COURAGE! mentally relive a trauma as first experienced in the past 2) Recognize and accept (hear ourselves, validate ourselves) all feelings, beliefs, thoughts (however insane) that we had leading up to a trauma 3) Identify any beliefs we formed in the trauma aftermath, that do not serve us today 4) Rewrite our trauma story so that both the trauma is reframed in our minds and what we are capable of is rewritten 5) Re-visualize the trauma through this new lens

6) We are not victims, although sometimes we behave as such. This is a maladaptation- I was a pro at it. Dropping the victim story, becoming the hero of our own lives, takes courage. We must face not only daunting tasks, issues, people, but also face our own failings, whimpiness, errors, laziness. Once we can look at ourselves completely with the bells and whistles and gristle and flaws, we can face life with more compassion, patience and thus, imo, more connection to whatever higher wisdom is available to us, making the ride, if not easier, at the very least more gentle and enjoyable.

7) Become aware of our self talk towards our physical scars.  I didn't hate my hip scars, so much as I sneered at them (yep, that's basically scorn.) I thought my right pelvis was...big, ugly, shameful, embarrassing, weak. Time helped ease that perception, but even more so, a huge dose of self compassion aided me. Scars on our bodies show that we survived. I'm always surprised by women in our store wanting to hide scars with jewelry, since from my perspective, they are badges of honor, of strength.  Once I finally identified my own cruel self talk...how ugly my hip was, how weak and crippled, I consciously began a mission of compassion towards both it and towards the being living with it.  Trite as it sounds... "I love you hip, I love you pelvis, I love you skin, I love you muscles, I love you body, I love you Joanna" and I coupled this with a thick juicy layer of positive affirmations "You are doing such a great job!  Look how strong you're getting! Look how beautiful you are!!"  etc.  Use your voice, your words, your truth, to soothe, reassure, and restore yourself.

Yes, we can.

With love...always. Dedicated to the 2 L's.

-Joanna